Who am I?
That’s a very good question. I am Georgie – mummy, wife and co-business owner. I am a multifaceted, complex character with a great ability to act when needed.
People see me and they see a confident person who is sure of herself but in reality I’m the total opposite. That is where the ability to act comes in. I pretend to be someone else but inside I am a shivering wreck.
Those of you who have met me know I talk a lot. That is my nerves. Whenever I met someone new I babble – talk, talk, talk. If I talk they can’t see me cower, they can’t see me shaking in my shoes and they can’t see the pain and sadness – I hope.
I’m an angry person. I rage at injustice in the world because I have been on the receiving end and never received justice – through cowardice or perpetrators never being caught. I know I should get on top of this as anger is such a negative feeling but it is a feeling. For years I didn’t feel anything. I locked away my emotions because it was my protection. I boxed them away in mentally labelled boxes – hurt, fear, insecurity, jealousy, cowardice,confusion, distrust plus lots more of a similar ilk – and I put them in a mentally locked cupboard safely behind huge mental iron doors. I was safe from them….until someone “blew the bloody doors off”.
I’m a loving person. I love anyone who gives me their time or energy. I adore my family, even if I don’t show it as often as I should. Traditionally I gave my love too easily and got annihilated and abused hence why I am a mistrusting person.
I am a coward. I keep saying that but I am. I hide when I can’t cope. I dissociate from the situation and I withdraw. I leave my body vulnerable in order to protect my mind and I don’t speak out – well I didn’t – I’m a little too vocal now!
I’m a survivor. I used to be a victim – all too often the victim – but now i survive. I can’t, mentally, afford to be a victim any more so I survive.
My tagline on many forums was always “Life is like a rose – to reach the flower you have to climb the thorns” and jeeeez – I’ve climbed some huge thorns.