Having watched a lifetime’s worth of children’s TV over the last 6 1/2 years I have had numerous conversations about the dodginess of some of them so here is my top ten! It is only for fun by the way so no need to get defensive if your favourite is in the list 😀
- Special Agent Oso
This cute cuddly bear worries me intensely! Here is a creature who is put in charge of a cacophony of high powered machines such as rockets, motorbikes and trains yet he doesn’t know how to do up his flies, brush his teeth or put the leaves in the compost bin. He also has an army of “shuttlebugs” who spy on children in their moments of sadness and frustration then broadcast the photographs of said children. The most worrying of these was the child who didn’t know how to dress himself!
- 64 Zoo Lane
Lucy is a young lady who gets put to bed at bedtime, waits for her parents to go to sleep then gets up to slide own the neck of a giraffe into the zoo that she lives next door to. What sort of message is that sending out to children???? Go to bed young lady and stay there! Don’t you know lions, tigers and all the other zoo creatures are dangerous! Mind you I think the biggest affront to me is the fact that the giraffe is called Georgina!! All Georginas should know better! 😉
- In The Night Garden
Oh my days! Where do I start on this one…..? Following on from 64 Zoo Lane – go to bed Iggle Piggle! And as for Oopsy Daisy – this young lady needs to learn to keep her skirt down and stop letting people into the bed that she takes everywhere. I even saw (sadly!) one episode where she let a whole family of Pontipines in her bed – AT THE SAME TIME!!! As well as Oopsy Daisy’s apparent willingness to show off her more private areas we then have the Tomliboos who seem to drop their trousers every chance they get! Were the writers of this programme enacting their own fantasies when they wrote this?
- Handy Manny
Much as I like this programme there is something ever so slightly dodgy about a single young man living with a handful of childlike tools. And why does no-one pay for anything in this town? Is there a goods for services rendered policy in Sheetrock Hills? And why doesn’t Kelly just declare her obvious love for Manny and get hitched? With her ability to have “everything they need” and his ability to fix anything at all they would rule the world!
- Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
There are so many, many dodgy things about this programme – not just the fact that everything in the whole of Mickey World is named after the small rodent with a dog for a pet and a menagerie of friends – but also the fact that they never ask the right question! Instead of asking which mousekatool can get the elephant out of the tree – how about asking how the elephant got up there in the first place. Surely that would be the more pertinent question to ask? I have also never quite forgiven Disney for the episode where Donald swaps his chicken for some beans (yes the Donald and the Beanstalk story). They steal the chicken back from the poor giant and when he queries it Mickey says “well Donald changed his mind and you can have the beans back but actually you can’t as they grew into this huge beanstalks so tough” – well maybe not quite those words but that was the general gist of it! Disney totally gave out the wrong message there – that it is ok to steal as long as you say sorry afterwards! This particular episode I detest but the others are just squeaky-voiced irritating.
This rather cool Jamaican mouse is just that – rather cool and quite likable although it does make me think often of the stereotype that he has been smoking something not quite legal. However I get very upset with many of the story lines. I have often watched where someone has stolen something – clothes, guitars, even a bus – and they always get caught. that’s good I hear you say….. well yes apart from the thief always gives a sob story,everyone feels sorry for them and then they get to play with the band/work on the bus/have a party. Where are the Rastapolice to arrest them and make them pay for their crimes? Not just a slight telling off.
- Let’s Play
This new programme from CBeebies is a bit of a rip off of Mr Ben with one of the two characters getting dressed up as a knight, doctor, fireman etc etc and playing in that character role. The dodgy thing about this programme is the main song “Let it be me”. Me, me, me it’s all about me isn’t it??? Where is the sharing in this? Why not let someone else have a go for a change? 😀
- Mike The Knight
Mike is a character who bumbles through life messing about, causing problems for everyone within a 30 mile radius and then turns out to be the hero simply because he “is a knight and does it right” at the end! How about you “be a knight and do it right first time”? Slaps on the wrist after some of his antics simply aren’t good enough. This child should be sent to the step for at least a month in penance for all the aggravation he has caused.
- Baby Jake
The whole of this programme scares the life out of me and as for the spin off toys……? Shudder! And why on earth does big brother sing “googoogeeah”. Talk properly for goodness’ sake! Banned in our house!
- Florrie’s Dragons
Yet again another programme about a privileged child causing havoc and mayhem for everyone in the near vicinity who then becomes the hero (or in this case heroine) for putting things right in the end Mike the Knight in another guise and on another channel! Stop now. Time out spots needed all around!
There were a whole ream of other programmes in mind from Lazytown to Bunnytown andThe Rhyme Rocket to the Lingo show but I need to go and stop the shakig froo all these “happy” children’sTV thoughts. Bring back Tony Hart I say!