Vulnerable

Tonight I feel vulnerable.

Yesterday was a huge step for me and a very open one. Some people think I shouldn’t talk about what happened to me in my youth in a public way like this – that it is too much information and should be kept private.

Whilst I understand people’s concerns these subjects have been taboo for too long. They are not “nice” subjects so should be kept in the privacy of a counsellor’s room or to myself but too many people suffer in silence.

If, by speaking out, I can help one other person start to talk about their experiences then this is a good thing and I feel like I have done some good. The most damaging part of abuse and rape is the lack of openness and by forcing it to stay under wraps by not wanting to talk about it is damning the victim or survivor even more. Making them somehow feel like they have an actual reason to feel ashamed and dirty. In truth though – it is the abusers or rapists who should feel ashamed or dirty. They are the ones who are wrong – not the innocent children or the innocent rape victim – male or female.

All I ask is – if you don’t like what I write – simply don’t read it. Delete the link to my blog, don’t click on it when it appears on my social media feeds and then you can continue living in your happy ignorance but please don’t deny me my way of dealing with things.

Someone said to me recently (after my little politics spat) that I inspire them because I am so open. Whilst I find it hard to believe that I am really an inspiration this gave me a little warmth that, for someone, my writings help.They are certainly helping me so this is what I will continue to do – despite how vulnerable I feel for a few days later.

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