Depression – the Black Dog – is a complex thing. A thing that is so hard to interpret, to predict or to explain.You can have days of stability where life is easy to cope with, where the day to day running of life is achievable and then BAM! you get hit by the black dog pouncing on you like a rabid beast.
All the hard work that you have been doing to keep that black dog leashed is tested to its ultimate and all the fears of the abyss come crashing to the fore. The fear, the paranoia, the darkness and the uncertainty become the mainstay of your very existence and it can be one small, miniscule thing that can trigger it. An advert, a smell, a sound, a name, a photograph – anything can set me off and weeks of effort can be undone in an instant.
This is how I feel right now. My life recently has become an uncertain mire of busyness and overwhelming pressure and I was almost dealing with it. Almost. Until I saw a photograph that someone posted and WHAM! That final fly in my cobweb of life has ripped a gaping hole in my defences and I am shivering with exhaustion, my mind crumbling under the pressure of all that is happening. My scaffolding is rocking and my black dog is howling in my mind.
I don’t know how much more my cobweb can take before it all comes crashing down. I am frantically knitting it back together before the next fly hits it, before I tumble into that abyss.
Help me! Hold me from the edge! Somehow, anyhow – I don’t know how.