On Show No More

Facebook Post 9th April 2020

Sometimes it is the loudest, the most “out there” the ones you think are the most confident who are the people who struggle the most in times like this.

The people who’re “on show” in what they do and their work is everything are now really struggling because there is nothing to distract us because there is no work.

These are the people who need a check in – almost more than the normally quiet and the secluded.

Sending lots of love to everyone who is struggling at the moment. Just remember – I am always here if you need me.

I am one of those who needs to be busy to survive, who isn’t the most confident – even if my “on show” character belies that.

Please reach out to me and chat – we can message, we can zoom, we can just sit cyberly together. Just say hi. xxx

I am Okay

Ok so this is hard for me to write as my self esteem had never been great as many of you know.

That “confident bubbly girl you see” is not the real me. The real me is rocking in a corner of my mind somewhere hating myself.

I cannot take compliments well at all and rarely stand up and say “I did this” unless pushed to it. I am the first to beat myself up about things and to put myself down and I cannot believe that people like/love me because I dislike myself so much.

And that is why this is hard to write (and I am not looking or fishing for compliments). I am just going to put this out there and then go back to my rocking corner.

There is one positive that is coming out of all this. One massive positive and that is, for the first time since I was about 8 I actually think that I am actually ok.

What started off as a purely selfish move by opening up the cyber cafe 3 weeks ago to escape the dread and fear of my timeline reality has turned into a place where new friendships are being forged, people are being helped – sometimes by me and sometimes by others – and people are finding some solace away from the current world we live in.

And I started that. I started the daft daily dose things and some days they are swamped, others not so much but I keep trying and mostly it helps.

The quizzes, the bingo, the support group
… It may only be a handful that come and do them but they all need the same as me…somewhere to escape from the real world to….and I did that and continue to do it for two reasons….1) I need to be needed. To feel I am helping and 2) Because other people also need it at the moment.

I have had people drop me messages or send me little things to say thank you for the cyber cafe or for running Cubs or the sing song….

And I do that.

Perhaps, for a while, it is ok to allow myself a self pay on the shoulder and to say “you know what girl? You are ok”

For now I will allow myself to say “well done you!”. For now at least.

And I will continue to be inspired by my butterfly, Ellie and her mum Heather and my cyber mate Craig whose mantra I now try to live by daily.

Craig, my favourite piece of chewing gum – I promise you that I will always strive to make the rest of my life the best of my life.

Willow Tree Angels

Facebook Post 1st April 2020

Hey Beannie,

Your little sister just came up to me and handed me a piece of paper with something she had drawn on it. She told me that she knew I was sad that I couldn’t get to a shop to get your Willow Tree Angel today so had drawn me one in order for me to have one today. It is truly the most beautiful thing I have been given and I will be getting a frame for it as soon as I get the chance.

When did I get so lucky to have had you in my life for those 12 short weeks and her for these amazing 13 1/2 years (so far)?

Shine high my beautiful boy and help keep us all safe.

Love from

Mummy.

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Safe At Home Day 7

Facebook Post 28th March 2020

Safe at home day 7 – We completed a week’s worth of school and submitted as much of it as we had done – pretty chuffed with the amount they did in the first week. Beating the rush and downloading all the secondary school stuff into drop box today so it is ready to beat the tech issues we had last week.

Loving the response that both schools have put in place. DS2 loves his comments on his work by his teacher and love that the secondary school are going to start checking on the mental health of their pupils starting this week coming.

I was actually quite impressed at how calm I was on the whole – a couple of near misses but actually less than on a normal week so – all things considered – a positive week.

Kitchen School Day 4

Facebook Post 26th March 2020

Kitchen School Day 4.

We are finally starting to get used to this kitchen school lark and have started to settle into our routine.

We were never going to be the family who “had a week off” because we knew that it would need to be done at some point. I also know that at least one of mine is extremely anxious when they don’t get their lessons so we had to accommodate that.

Both schools have been great in establishing lessons for the munchkins and we have had contact with teachers at both schools when things weren’t understood or anxiety was causing a mini melt down.

We haven’t got it quite right yet but, for now, it is peaceful.

Our SENCO has been amazing as well – absolutely amazing!!

Kitchen School Day 2

Facebook Post 24th March 2020

The Kitchen School – Day 2.

Started off with some PE courtesy of Joe Wicks (Get in!!) and children ready and willing to learn but the tech is currently letting us down. Struggling to get onto the DL website to access their resources so looks like I need to print them off to stop the frustration. Good job we stocked up on printer ink.

A slight meltdown with youngest – because he wanted one iPad instead of another but CBeebies Island game has now calmed him down.

I think a walk around the garden looking at the mud will be needed later.

Kitchen School – Day 1

Facebook Post 23rd March 2020

 

Kitchen School – Day 1!

So this morning has been fairly productive.

Got up at the usual time, breakfasted and dressed ready to go to our hospital appointment. Benjamin’s blood pressure is all good so his dose has been doubled to help him continue developing with his ADHD under control.

Got to the dairy for milk and yoghurt, the pharmacist for the new prescription and home…..only to find the internet playing up!!! Argh!!!

No panic….

rebooted and all children quietly sitting doing school work at the moment apart from Fran who is currently under the watchful eye of the baby-sitter known as Winnie the Pooh.

I am really impressed with them so far….so far.

Covid 19 Lockdown – First Weekend

So the weekend is over and the reality hits.

Good luck….

To all of you for who facilitating home Education was never in your remit.

To the self employed friends of mine who used the time their children were at school to do their admin.

To those who used the time their children were at school as downtime.

To those of you with preschoolers who demand attention that you would normally be directing elsewhere.

To those of you with children who being at school and actually learning is such a massive part of their life that they are in tears at the thought of not being able to achieve it.

To those with children who really don’t want to work from home but you know need to.

To carers of children with special needs that need the routine of a day in school.

To those of you with loved ones who are key workers who can’t isolate and go in day in and day out into the lion’s den.

To those who are scared they are going to make a right hash of it.

To those struggling with the fear of catching COVID – more so because they or loved ones are in the high risk groups.

To those of you who are key workers who are heading into the lion’s den to help feed us, nurse us and look after the children who are still at school.

To everyone who needs it.

It is all very well saying don’t stress too much about the education side of it….when you have polar ends of the scale the needs of all need to be balanced. Good luck with it. Xxxx

ADHD – Me Too?

Facebook Post 19th March 2020

 

Tough day.

Emotionally drained.

My appointment this morning with the ADHD clinic was long and intense. It stirred up a lot of stuff from my past which I have been trying to work around.

Been trying to deal with my lovely brides who have had to rearrange their big days. They are amazing and it breaks my heart for them.

Trying to get my head around all the children being off school for the foreseeable and wanting to make sure I keep them safe and mentally stimulated without them or me losing it and all around our lovely lodger trying to work from home as well!

And April 1st is approaching fast. I want to be able to go and get my Willow Tree angel and am worried that I won’t be able to. It is such a small thing in the grand scheme of things but it is such a massively important thing for me.

Completely mixed up emotionally and drained.  

Covid-19 Crisis Management

Facebook Post 18 March 2020

I said recently crisis management was where my strength lies – as in when in a crisis as opposed to doing it as a job.

If I get too much with my crisis stuff just wind me in but I need to be doing stuff to stop me fretting.

With this in mind I have prepped an email for all our clients, discussed how we will home school if the schools go into lock down, prepped a lot of stuff ready to go and find if/when it happens.

Set up a cyber cafe because we need a place away from the time line full of covid-19 related stuff….which is great in terms of all the support groups but acts as a constant reminder of the fear and uncertainty we all face at the moment.

Dealt with some scouts issues and have a head full of ideas moving forward!

All I ask – when this is all over – just check on me because I know that its when I will crash!